i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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