If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So many bounce houses so little time
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
