yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
