no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
His hands were made for my vagina.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
