this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
