i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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