If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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