my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize