alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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