Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
