no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
