i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize