i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
