Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The power of my boobs compel you
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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