The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
