I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
