i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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