Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
