Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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