Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
