my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I could fuck to npr.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
