The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
