I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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