woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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