I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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