Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
