you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
