All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
