Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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