I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize