clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
