Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
