So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She's the barista slut.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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