There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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