I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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