He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
