u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
