Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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