Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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