my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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