Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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