At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
