woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
