i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
