This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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