i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
it glows. i had to have it.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
