i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
