Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
