ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
