her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
