Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
