found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
