the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
