I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
