I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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