I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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