so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
