Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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