Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My boob is missing a layer of skin
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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