i think my tv is drunk
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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