my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Edward fifth and chaser hands
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
