i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So much rum. So many feels.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
