the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
