DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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