I'm really into asian looking animals
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
