I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
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