I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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