Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
