Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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