I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize