Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
