Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
