i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
