Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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