And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize