She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
