Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
