forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Acid is not a monday night drug
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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