now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize