Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
how do you play pong handcuffed?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
