I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Randomize
