Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
