just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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