Rock
Scissors
Fuck
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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