just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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