i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
