you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Randomize
