Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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