oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
