I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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