I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
