so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
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