WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He felt like a one man threesome
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
