So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
