his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
