haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
