I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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